It's Not Like Home, But it May Be Better
by BlackBandit111
Summary: Dean's not sure what this is, but it's different- not quite Earth, or life, or him. But then he realizes...is he dead? After all these years, is he finally dead? Slash-y undertones, oneshot. (Destiel).


Dean imagines death to be cold, lonely, maybe even relieving. Desolate and maybe the cold burn that Hell was, but damn well relaxing, like he can finally get some goddamned peace and quiet.

It's…not like that.

The first person he sees is Sammy, all short haired again and easy smiled and _light_, like he was before Ruby and the Apocalypse and the demon blood fiasco. He's glowing, he's grinning so widely his dimples are in full blast, and he's got a baby face, all soft lines instead of harsh edges like it was towards the end.

He's got a blonde on his arm- Jess. She's smiling kindly at Dean, her doe eyes twinkling with something warm and compassionate, and Dean's eyes water as he gazes at the brother he raised, the boy he made into a man all on his own without John or Mom's or anyone's help, the brat he made mac'n'cheese for when he was hungry, the little rascal he covered for when he broke shit, the kid he tucked into bed. The man he failed in the end.

But Sam forgives him without words, claps him on the shoulder and wraps around him, hugs him like he did when he was a little kid- _It's okay Dean_, he says with his eyes, the Winchester way of talking. _It's all okay._

Dean nods and smiles and can't help but feel his soul lighten a bit, and the next person he sees is Bobby. Bobby's frowning at him in that way he always has, and Dean grins at him and can't help the small huff of laughter when Bobby grabs him and wrestles him into a hug and says fondly, _what took so long, ya idjit?_

Then he sees Jo and Ellen, and they're both smiling gently at him from a distance, Jo wrapping arms around his neck and pecking him on the cheek and Ellen pressing his hand and they both say,_ it wasn't your fault, Dean Winchester._

And he actually believes them, even when he's been telling himself for years and didn't believe a word of any of it out of his own mouth.

Faces come and go- people he and Sam saved, people they didn't. Dean's only looking for one face though, one face that he can never forget- and finds a shock of bright blonde hair.

His mom is still so beautiful and it takes Dean's breath away, and he can't see because there are tears and he's running and she's holding him and he's saying "Mom, Mom, Mom," and she's murmuring, _honey, honey, honey_ and everything seems okay in his mom's arms. She's stroking his hair and fuck, she's humming Hey Jude under her breath and he can't take it, so he pulls away and wipes his cheeks because fuck when did he start crying again?

And then he sees the one person he's been looking for, and be goes still and silent, staring. He can't peel his eyes away.

_Dean_, Castiel says, and his eyes are smiling, _Dean._ He extends a hand for Dean to take.

"Cas," Dean whispers, his lips trembling. "Cas."

_I'm here_, Castiel reassures, and Dean's hand slips into the angel's like it was meant to be there. _And I'm never leaving you again._

"I missed you," he admits tearfully, and Castiel smiles with his lips.

_I know_, he says._ I heard you_.

"Am I dead?" Dean asks, and Castiel hums.

_C'mon, Dean._

"Where?"

_To meet someone_.

And he trusts Cas, so he lets the trench coat angel pull him along and around people who toast to him, and Ash who nods at him from the corner, and all the friends that had ever come and gone in his life, and Kevin Tran, advanced placement student, and he sees his sweet Impala parked just there, polished to perfection, like she was thirty years ago before it all went to shit. He forces back the lump in his throat and looks up, only to come face to face with John Winchester.

Dean goes still. He tenses, and subconsciously tightens his hold on Castiel's hand.

_John_, Castiel says- not warningly, but warily.

_Angel_, John says back, his eyes focused on Dean. _Dean_.

"Dad," Dean says, and his voice is hoarse.

_Look, kiddo_, John says, his shoulders shifting with a sigh, _I know I don't belong here, but I had to tell you that I treated you like shit for a while, kid, and didn't give you much of a dad, or a life, and I'm sorry, all right? For everything. I know I don't belong here, so I'll go, but I thought you should know._

Pity fills him too quickly. "You could stay," Dean offers guiltily, and John gives him a knowing quirk of the lips.

_Always too quick to forgive_, he says sadly._ Like your mom. I hope you're happy here, Dean. I'll see you around._ And just like that, he walks permanently out of Dean's afterlife, and Dean feels a giant weight lift off his chest.

"Where to?" He asks Cas, and Cas leads him again. They walk for a while in silence before Dean finally musters up the strength to say when he needs.

"Hey Cas?" The angel turns. "I uh…" Dean rubs the back of his neck. "It's my fault," he blurts, "what happened. If I hadn't been such an ass then this wouldn't have- that wouldn't- you…and Sam…you wouldn't have-"

_Dean Winchester_, Cas stops and cups Dean's face in his hands, and after all these years alone Dean doesn't try to pull away from the simple, loving touch, _you are righteous and beautiful and we are family in more ways than one. You understand, don't you? You don't need to say it. You say it without words. _His lips curl._ The Winchester way of communicating._

Dean can't help the blush that spreads. "Yeah," he murmurs, and that seems to end it, because he's being guided by the hand again and stops…in front of Adam, which should be impossible, because Adam's in the cage. Stuck.

His fault.

"Dean," he acknowledges.

"Adam" Dean says, but knows that there's something…more here.

Adam smiles. "You've been alone for so long. And I hated I had to do it, you know? You're such a good person- genuinely good. Good natured, good idealed, good…everything."

Dean doesn't have a response, so he shrugs. Adam smiles and his eyes crinkle in the corners. "Adam…" Dean asks, "are you God?"

Adam's eyes twinkle. "Now that is the questions, isn't it?"

And then he's gone.

"Cas," Dean asks, blinking, "did I just meet God?"

Cas laughs, and it sounds like bells. _No, Dean_, he answers, and smiles, and Dean's confused. _You've just met yourself, and passed your own judgement._

"…What?"

Cas gives him a patient, endearing look. _Yourself, Dean. God is not one person. He is in everyone. Their conscience, their love, their wisdom, the decision to do the right thing. The one thing that was haunting you was, apparently, Adam._

_You're a good person, Dean. You deserve Heaven and love and beauty and to enjoy your new life here, with me and Sam and everyone you love or wanted to love. You're allowed here. Don't be afraid of your own inhibition to let go._

And maybe it doesn't feel like it should because it isn't home, or Earth or his life, but he realizes that…home and life and all those things don't have to feel like shit. Not anymore.

"Okay," he says, and smiles for the first time. Really smiles. _I'm ready._

And he retakes Castiel's hand and disappears with him.

* * *

><p><em>I don't really know why I wrote this, it just sort of came to me so here, have something kind of cryptic and think about it. Thanks for reading, please leave me a comment on your thoughts and who you thought shouldshould have not been in Dean's Heaven and I hope you enjoyed!_


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